sick day

I feel like I'm not in my body right now. every time I think I have something good, it slips from my very fingers. I don't know if I'll ever get it. all I want is to love and learn from others, which I do, but I want something more. the ones I want will never reach me, what am I doing wrong? am I the one who is actually doing something wrong? I pick the wrong people almost on a regular basis. I will never get the knack of this and it hurts so much to feel like I am so alone in the world.

I've been still have those dreams. things that I think may have happened, but I never know. every day is like a question of whether or not it has happened. I just want to disappear for reals this time. i can't take it anymore.

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